Deep Friendships

A PDF version of this devotional is available as a reference here.

What would you say is one of the most common topics talked about in Christian circles?

One of the most talked about topics by Christians is relationships. Specifically marriage and dating. This is with reason, of course, because it's a very important topic.

I am surprised to think about how little another topic related to relationships is spoken about: friendships.

C.S. Lewis said that:

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.

I believe many of us can attest to the value friendships have given our lives. We can see the importance of friendship by looking at how the creation story unfolds.

What's the word God uses the most to describe the things he creates? Good! It was more than just good, however, it was perfect. God created everything just as they should be created, and sin was not in the world. That means the waters, the animals, fruits, trees, and even Adam, he created perfectly.

Then we read Genesis 2:20 (NKJV)

20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

Remembering the point about perfection, we know God created Adam perfect. This means that Adam's desires, his wants, were also perfect.

Therefore, this means that the desire for a friend, someone he could say is comparable to him, was a perfect desire as well.

Some of you likely have experienced seasons of loneliness, times where you desired having a friend by you, someone to relate to.

You should know now that this is not because you're broken or flawed, but precisely because the desire for friendship is perfect.

We can see how having friends in general is vital in life, but it is a bit deeper than that:

It is possible to have lots of friends and be surrounded by a lot of people, and yet feel completely alone.

How many of you have felt lonely in the midst of lots of people?

An example I can give is Job. So Job, in the bible, was a man going through a lot of suffering, and his friends came to counsel, or "support" him. And yet Job says in Job 19:13 (NKJV)

13 He has removed my brothers far from me, And my acquaintances have completely turned away from me.

In other words, Job says he feels alone. Even though he has multiple friends right beside him.

In your own lives, why do you think you sometimes feel alone in a big group of people?

We can see why this happens in the scripture we already read from Genesis. Again, in Genesis 2:20 (NKJV) it says

20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

Some translations say "suitable".

The root of the reasons is because Adam didn't just want a friend, he wanted a friend comparable to him.

God created us not to just have friendships, but to have deep friendships.

For Job, yes he had friends all around him, but they spent time accusing him rather than trying to connect with Job on a deeper level.

And in the case for us, we can be surrounded by people but feel alone because we can't or have not yet connect deeply with those around us.

I'll actually take it one step further. If you desire to have deep friendsips, strong bonds, there is no better, deeper friendship than spiritual friendship.

If you aim to grow in your relationship with God, and do so with others as well, you will form fulfilling relationships that will comfort you.

There's so much that can be said on how to form these relationships, but I want to close very quickly with this:

It takes vulnerability, and it may cause pain at times.

The same author I quoted in the beginning has a great saying about this in one of his books.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable

To love, desire deep friendship, seek companionship, is to be vulnerable. Seemingly put your survival at risk, but it's also what gives value to your survival.

I want to encourage you all, seek deep friendships.